KoTak_peRak

hay my lovely Blog, sorry for abandoning you for about two weeks, i had a really bad weeks, with extraordinary jump up and down of life and money geez...now i have something to talk with you,, my dad has a problem,,,actually a big problem, but i did not complaining, because somehow i don't care at all.. you know why? because i don't have any way out he was just like me, a bad risk manager and selfish and stubborn, i don't know whose wrong,,, so i think i just have to shut up my mouth and back to focus on my bussiness ,,, i really desperate on him, i have no ability to help him, but actually deep here down inside my head and heart fatefully to this, because he have ever did that same things to my cousin, to all of his employee and to all of his family.... Great God... Good God...

But by the way, he is one of my learning model, that someday, or now in my half way to the future i won't do the way he crash his own life, i will,, obey my husband and even if hard i will have good communicate it with him, will good to all my brothers, will good to all my parents, will good to all my staff and to everybody, maybe this time i will start to believe in a matter called "Karma" ....

And i am really sorry but no offense, very upset when aa lend his bike to my father, i know i supposed not to feel that way but,, i am sorry too that i am very guilty to get him in to my dad's problem,,, but all right, and my thoughts are very thankful to see his brown eyes that he is very generous to do that,, dad was nothing to him supposed to, my dad have ever thum nose to him, but he looks very fine with it because he said he loves me, and things doesn't matter to him...

and he still fine to be with me when i screwed up...what a love he have,,,

and yesterday, when i see his tears fell down and suddenly i realized that i wants him,,, not only as a needed, but he is man i always dreamed of since im in high school, okay not about the tall thing, but he is love me, he is care about me, he do good thing to me and first of all, insensibility i always wants him and need him more than he wanted to be at me,,,

how wonderfull he is...

i am so ashamed to myself to see the way he care to everybody, this time i realized that i am once again do a mistake, a mistake to judge him as a pleghmatis,,, he is Not absolutely,,, his heart is warm and he is very sensitive, if i ever told you that he is not, it's just because i put my hope too high that nobody will reach to... i am over insesibility wishing... that i am the one who always be a pleghmatis, who always be a selfish one,,,,

Rullan treat me as his wife, that the sweetest thing of all.. he is always care me in tender, he is right,, he always do the best, not only his best but everybody's best... i supposed to think twice...


"God, i love you to put Rullan on my life, if there's a reason why i should have to obey You it must be because i love you to bless my old wish as a biggest one,,, i am so sorry to forget you,,,but please,, don't give him to anybody, for all the power You had,, i will back to you,,, and i suggest him to be,,, guide us,,, amien"